Rediscovering Purpose

How finding clarity transformed my life

Have you ever woken up one day feeling completely disoriented and wondering where your life is headed? I have, and that moment was a turning point that led me to seek clarity like never before. 

I was jolted awake at 2AM in a pitch black room from what felt like a hot knife twisting in my elbow. Immediately, anger and confusion overwhelmed me. My left hand was already stuck in a cast, and I didn’t know where I was. After fumbling for the light switch with my good hand, I saw that my elbow above the cast had blown up to the size of a softball. I was alone and slowly began to remember that I was back in the basement of my Airbnb in Galveston, Texas and had only gone to sleep a few hours earlier. My mind was stunned by the fact that the Airbnb was a three hour drive away from my doctor in Austin, Texas. 

For several months since leaving the Army I had been working remotely and trying to keep myself entertained by traveling. My body had finally reached its limit after being treated like garbage as I was hopping around short term rentals and hotels. I was struggling to keep up with working remotely, trying to find time to cook and exercise, and learning to code in the evenings. The monotony of sitting behind a screen all day had pushed me to keep moving to new Airbnbs and to take up speed skating. I thought that going to the beach in Galveston and spending a little time outside would keep me entertained. But my adventurous spirit had come with a cost - a broken wrist within the first few days of starting the new hobby. I likely rebroke it a couple times before finally taking some time away from work to see a doctor. That led to a wrist surgery and then apparently this infection in my elbow. 

I dragged myself into my Honda Civic and started the painful drive to Austin, Texas. I wanted to find some medical care I could trust that was in my insurance’s network. However, I couldn’t think clearly and didn’t realize that there were several decent hospitals between Galveston and Austin. My left elbow was still killing me and I couldn’t even rest it on the armrest of the door without sharp pain shooting through my whole arm. Fortunately, my post-surgery purchase of a knob attachment for my steering wheel let me drive with just my right hand. Still, the three hour drive with just one arm wouldn't be the smartest or safest. 

The blurry lines of the interstate were moving all over the place. As I drove I started to realize that it wasn’t just the pain that was fogging my mind. My whole body ached and I felt like I wasn’t mentally all there. I was sick. A year of prioritizing work over health had reduced me to a shadow of my former self. Hours upon hours spent hunched over a computer working, coding, and studying for IT certifications had left my skin an unsettling shade of pale. If you’d seen me sitting in front of my laptop before my elbow had exploded, you’d think you were looking at a lanky ghost with the worst posture, typing away on a split keyboard with the left half rotated awkwardly to accommodate a casted hand. 

So there I was, a mess, driving down a road in the middle of the night, halfway conscious. Somehow, I eventually made it back to Austin as the sun was rising. I went to an emergency room and even saw my primary doctor later that morning. A couple rounds of strong antibiotics helped the infection and swelling to subside a few days later. I finally conceded to my boss's earlier advice, requesting a leave of absence from work - I really should have listened to her earlier. It was a heavy decision because I worked on a strong team with some impressive coworkers whom I respected and didn't want to disappoint. This was after I had just left the Army for joint injuries as well. The way I was raised and the training I got in the Army had brought me up to work hard, prioritize others first, and avoid seeing a doctor at all costs. Yet I finally gave in. As my body screamed for a break, I swallowed my pride and began the slow journey to recovery.

I spent the next few months doing tons of physical and occupational therapy, getting some vitamin D and contemplating what to do with my life. My 33rd birthday was approaching, and I didn’t have a family of my own or even know where to call home. For almost 20 years, I had been constantly moving. Life in the Army, with its chaos, had suited me - a new job every year or two, traveling around the world, moving homes almost every year, and deployments and month-long training exercises mixed in. The idea of settling down into a corporate job seemed more like a necessity than a desire. Still, I knew I had to find a place to call home and just be content.

During the long and boring months away from work, I grew stronger, both physically and mentally. I reconnected with family and soul-searched for what I truly wanted to do with my time. The numerous sports injuries I'd collected were a stark reminder that my health had to be a top priority. Leaving the Army had left me without purpose and directionless, but slowly, I began to see a new path. I saw a future where I could start my own business, work alongside my family and friends, and truly value my time instead of habitually sacrificing it for others. I wanted to continue to challenge myself and help people. However this time, I would do it my way. In the solitude of my recovery, clarity emerged. I realized that life wasn't about appeasing others but about finding your own purpose and your own path.

Jay Tiegs, my best friend from the Army, and I are writing a book titled Life on Offense to help you avoid making the same mistakes that we did. The book explains our high-performance framework to find clarity in your life and achieve your own big goals. Getting clear on your vision is the first step in our framework. Clarity brings direction and focus to our lives, providing a solid foundation to achieve our goals. Without it, we wander aimlessly, making choices that don't align with our true selves. If you value clarity and striving for excellence, you can subscribe to the Life on Offense newsletter as a guide to help you on your path and stay up to date on our book’s release.