Pushing Past Panic

Facing Challenges and Committing to Self-Improvement

I stared at the list: 77 counties. The sheer number made my stomach drop. Where do I even begin!? As a shy 17 year old in my senior year of high school, for the last several months I had been working as an intern at a small engineering firm in Oklahoma City. As the youngest employee with the least experience, I was given what were supposed to be the easy tasks. While hoping to work more with the civil engineering department, most of what I was actually doing as an intern was helping with the company’s marketing.

My current responsibility was to contact every county in Oklahoma and register our firm as a potential contractor. The list overwhelmed and terrified me because the implied task was that I would need to either email or call each of them. To make it even more challenging, many of these counties didn’t even provide email addresses for their contracting offices.

I easily finished making the list of all the email addresses and phone numbers for each county. There were official phone numbers for each of them but not very many email addresses. That meant that I would need to call at least 60 county offices! Making multiple phone calls felt utterly crushing to me at this awkward stage of being a nerdy teenager.

A couple times in my life up to this point I had exchanged numbers with girls. However, I was far too shy to call the girl afterward. Both times when the girls ended up calling me, I was too frightened to speak. My shyness was so overpowering that I usually avoided even talking to friends whom I wanted to speak with over the phone, much less call a scary contracting office employee on the other side of the line.

I emailed all of the offices that had published email addresses. Then I sat in my small intern-sized cubicle in the corner of the mailroom, staring at the list again. I slowly began to realize that the calls weren’t going to make themselves. Someone had to pick up the phone. The list was already meticulously organized with the counties in alphabetical order.

I was trying to stay busy but was avoiding the actual calling portion of the work. The repetitive tasks of sending mail, moving data between databases, and organizing files were things I much preferred over actually talking to people. Simple and easy work was what I felt comfortable with. Still, the ambitious voice in the back of my head knew that I needed to grow, do better, and learn new skills.

So I started typing in the number for Adair county. Halfway through dialing the number, I hung up the phone out of fear that I had misdialed one of the numbers. I told myself that I had to relax. Taking a deep breath and starting over again, I typed all the numbers exactly as my list said. Then the connection went through and the phone started ringing! Panic surged as my eyes widened in sheer terror. “OH NO!” I thought, “I’m going to have to talk to someone!”

My heart began to pound as the phone kept ringing. Everything slowed down around me as a billion thoughts ran through my head about what I would say to the person who answered. The voice mail started. I freaked out, “What do I say to the voicemail machine!?” The beep sounded and I tried to mumble something, but then I realized I had been holding my breath since before I punched in the first digit of the phone number. A wave of terror hit me, and I slammed the handset back down.

After several deep breaths, I started to get my mind right to make the call again. I rehearsed what I would say in my mind, “Hello, my name is James and I’m with Cardinal Engineering. Is there someone I can speak with about getting on the county’s list for engineering contractors? Hello, my name is James and I’m with Cardinal Engineering. Is there someone I can speak with about getting on the county’s list for engineering contractors:” I repeated it a few dozen times until it was stamped into my mind.

It was time to put the memorized script to use. I picked up the phone again and called Adair County, trying to take deep breaths as the phone rang.

A lady with an Oklahoma accent on the other end answered, “Hello, how may I help you?” My eyes opened wide again, and I panicked. I hung up. Now I was angry at myself. By calling and hanging up, I was wasting other people’s time. I had to get my act together. This was insane, why couldn’t I just talk to the person?

I skipped to the next county: Alfalfa. Not knowing anything about Alfalfa county, I at least knew that I was going to either leave a voicemail or talk to someone, without hanging up this time. Forcing myself to pick up the phone, I dialed the number and waited. The script in my mind replayed over and over between each ring. Another lady with a polite voice answered this time, “Hi, how may I help you?”

I thought for a couple seconds that felt like forever. The words left me, and I forgot what to say. “Uh, uh. Hello, yes how are you?” I said.

“Yes, this is Alfalfa County contracting, how may I help you?” She replied back, patiently.

“Yes, ma’am. Um. My name is James Thornton and I’m with Cardinal Engineering. Uhhhh. Can I speak with someone about a contractor’s list?” I did it! Conversation started. Super embarrassed but slowly trudging through the call, I was able to leave my information for a call back. Wow, that wasn’t so bad.

As I kept calling more counties, I slowly started to realize that I had to overcome my fear of talking on the phone. There was only one way to make it all the way through this list of contracting offices. This mission would be the start of a long journey where I forced myself to not only be a normal person who can make phone calls, but also a good teammate. Communication is critical for doing just about anything on a team, and I was useless if I couldn’t even talk to other people without an anxiety attack. I knew that I had to buckle down and break out of my timid shell in order to survive in this world.

That experience taught me something crucial - not just about overcoming fear but about the sheer effort it takes to improve. Growth doesn't happen by accident. It requires action, discomfort and persistence. As we work, play and live our lives, we often fall into routines and shy away from tough conversations. We settle into patterns that feel safe, even if they leave you unfulfilled. Sometimes, though, you have to stop and ask yourself what HARD things you really want to do. What challenges will push you forward and force you to grow?

A lot of people set goals, especially at the start of a new year, to tackle tasks they've been putting off. Some will even succeed in checking those items off their list. But true, lasting self-improvement is more than just achieving goals you set. It’s about committing to the ongoing work of becoming better every day. What if you made continuous growth your mission, not just now and then, but as a way of life? What would that enable you to do?

If you want to step up your personal growth game and commit to doing the HARD things that truly matter, subscribing to this newsletter is an excellent first step. Here, you’ll continue to find inspiring stories and tactics to help you face challenges head-on. My goal is to create a community of others who have adopted intentional living as a way of life. If you’re interested in learning more from the Life on Offense project, stay tuned and feel free to message me with any recommendations on specific topics you want to read about.